🌊 When Life Tries to Break You, But You Refuse to Go Back to Survival

I hit a point recently where nothing was working.

I didn’t want to push, force, or fake my way through anymore.

I didn’t want to be “strong.” I just wanted peace.

But when the path I thought would help me fell through, I felt stuck.

My nervous system was shot. My thoughts were spiraling:

“I’m tired.” “No one can help me.” “I don’t want to keep living like this.”

And I realized—this wasn’t new.

I’d felt this way before.

After college. When I moved alone.

When life fell apart and I had no backup plan.

When I moved to a new country, far from the family and friends I grew up with.

This time, instead of running or numbing… I paused.

I reflected.

I visualized my younger self at each of those moments.

And I showed her something she didn’t see back then:

Even if the help she wanted didn’t arrive…

Other help always did.

She was never truly alone.

So I went to the beach.

I cried.

I let my thoughts run wild.

And when I was ready—I chose new thoughts:

“Maybe someone will help me.” “Maybe I’m not alone in this.” “Maybe this is working out behind the scenes.”

And then… support came.

Unexpected. Divine. Exactly what I needed.

✨ How I Move Through Loops (When Life Feels Too Heavy)

This pattern has cycled through my life:

Feelings of abandonment, isolation, helplessness, and depression—especially when life throws something heavy at me.

💭 A loss. A letdown. A door closing.

It triggers the same emotional storm every time.

But recently, I stopped and watched the cycle play out inside me—and I saw the pattern clearly.

🌀 The Emotional Loop (aka the Survival Spiral)

(Trigger): Something happens—loss of money, opportunity, relationship, or support.

↓

(Perception): I start interpreting the moment through old pain.

↓

(Thoughts / Beliefs):

– “I’m alone.”

– “No one can help me.”

– “I’m tired of struggling.”

– “I’m stuck. There’s no way out.”

↓

(Feelings):

Those thoughts activate depression, hopelessness, helplessness, deep sadness.

↓

(Choices): This is where the fork in the road appears.

I usually have three options:

A. Keep playing the same thoughts and spiral deeper

B. Numb out or distract myself to avoid feeling

C. Be still, let myself feel, love myself in the pain—and begin the process of healing the source'

This time, I chose C.

I let the tears come.

I visualized my younger self.

I reminded her that she was supported, even if not by who she hoped.

I held her. I saw her. I comforted her.

Then… I slowly started shifting my thoughts.

Even without proof. Even without certainty.

From: “No one will help me”

To: “Support will come.”

From: “I’m stuck.”

To: “Solutions are finding me.”

And guess what? They did.

Here are the truths I’m now living:

🫂 Healing doesn’t always feel good.

🧠 Rewiring old beliefs takes more than positive thinking.

🪞 But the moment you stop running from the pain… something inside you starts to return home.

If you’ve ever felt like you were drowning, forgotten, or exhausted from being strong…

This post is for you.

You’re not alone.

You’re not broken.

You’re in the middle of becoming.

💭 Want to read the full breakdown of what happened, how the Universe showed up for me, and the details behind the scenes? Check out the post on Patreon.